So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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