Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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