Someone shit on the floor
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
