Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have feelings that need drinking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
