You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
