3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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