New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
