you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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