My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
