Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
