He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
