Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
