apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
