I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
