fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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