Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
