the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
