It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
