two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
