i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
