Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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