You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
