I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
