She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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