At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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