I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
