When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
