He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
