I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
