Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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