Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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