he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
