i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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