i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
