I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
