Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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