Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
