and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
