i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
