i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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