It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
