I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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