I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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