im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
