Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
