Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
