i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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