WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
