I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
