I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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