I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
