That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
