My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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