xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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