he puts the penis in happiness.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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