My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
