come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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