i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
