Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
