i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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