Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i will never coherently bang her
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
