I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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