Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
