We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize