dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
