your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
