I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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