Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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