I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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