I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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