I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
