Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
